Press On... Le Nails

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxV-OOIamyk

All my Mom watches is the Olympics, not that I wouldn't watch it at all, but I mean she is obsessed. I'm seriously considering getting her a U.S.A. warm up suit for Christmas. I've been in so much pain lately, that she comes home on her lunch break and puts it on. Once she returns to work I end up watching it for the next 5 hours until she comes home because I'm to exhausted to change it. Last week I watched so much women's beach volleyball, I'm putting on sunscreen and buying visor's. (p.s. I didn't know they still made Visor's) I've been M.I.A. for a little. Reality is finally setting in I guess. The feeling reminds me of your last year of school, you're all excited for the summer, to finally be done. Then when September rolls around you realize that your life is officially different now. This is a permanent difference. Or like when you've planned to go to the beach for the day and it pours. I guess the past week and a half I've earned that Debbie Downer name tag. Not this past Tuesday but the one before it I got my first Chemo treatment. Honestly it went way smoother than I thought.  My nurse's name is Ashley, young pretty 30 something. Which was cool because I felt totally comfortable asking her anything and everything throughout the unknown of my first chemo. The worst part is always the unknown isn't it? I had played it out in my head that when I got there they would be using a machete to connect to my port, then they would be throwing battery acid on my open wound while laughing. Okay so maybe I amp the unknown up, I'm the worst with that. Honestly once they connected to my port (which was one pinch... Thanks Schmitty) it was simply sitting there for the next 6 hours getting pumped with multiple bags of poison. I could get my blood taken from the port too, which I didn't even feel! I was beginning to think that secretly the port was totally worth it! Thanks Lunch Lady Land. After I left there I felt a little woozy, some call it "chemo brain". Fatigued and overwhelmed I went home and laid down for a little. The next morning I felt like a million bucks! Why would people even complain about this? This was the best I had felt since the start of the whole thing! I felt energized, healthy even. Then it started... the pain. Cramping and gas pains is what it felt like...but not what it was, that's just chemo. I mean 24/7 pain, for the past week and  a half that is all it's been. Once (okay maybe twice) I just started crying, not because I was upset about the Cancer, just because it hurt, and I was frustrated. It was an outlet for the pain, it was all I could do! My mother doesn't help either, she is just the most nurturing, born to be a mom, women. She just rubs my back and says what can I do?". I am 27, and have rarely ever complained about pain, I'm not one to run to Mommy to rub my back when I cry, so when she does this it only makes me cry harder. Thanks Mom. As my little brother says, "She is just the greatest women to ever walk the earth". It's a sin because everyone wants to know what they can do for me, and yet there is nothing to do but for me to endure this pain. As of yesterday it began to let up, today I feel really good, and tomorrow is my second chemo treatment. A.K.A. it will start all over. But like the song, I've got to press on.... Lee Nails. Give me scars, give me pain, then you'll say to me...... There goes a Fighter.