Pretty Girl Rock

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_Ww5JpbtSE&feature=related

So I'm having a benefit thrown for me by a phenomenal group of friends on Sunday. Today I went with my my mother to try on some dresses to see what kind of look I would be going for. Well.... apparently there is only one look I can go for...BIG GIRL. I mean really, I have gained 30 pounds, 10 of it in my one swollen chin. Those smalls that I blogged about sashaying there way to the front have now sprinted their way to the back corner of my closet. I am forced to bring out the "I swear the Dr. wants me to put on the LBS. before chemo," clothes. Which mainly consists of cotton shorts and tanks all twisted like Keith SWEAT, because all I do is sweat! I try to do my hair every now and then... its hard because I get so hot I just want it up. Now I don't know if I've tapped into the hump on my back, plus the 3 chins, plus the steroid acne, plus the huge bruise and skin glue from my port on my chest. Which every one loves to stare at. Didn't their mothers ever teach them that staring is rude?  I'm just saying for someone who is usually well maintained, for those who will see me on Sunday.... prepare yourself. Now remember laughter is the best medicine and nothing makes it worse for me then when people are uncomfortable around me, by the way I look. Sometimes I don't want to go places because when I walk in they already filled out my name tag as Debbie Downer. Come on.... I am still me. I can take a joke. But on the contrary Sunday is all my beauty business people. We love to look Fabulous for each other ... hold each other to a certain standard. This is in no way a judgemental standard, it's one that I've come to love, keeps me on my toes with the fashion world I love! So in the end as for Sunday I will have to accept my fate of short term physical ugliness, for long term inner health. But always remember it is Heather Maloney wee are talking about... and I will do what I do always, no matter how I look...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm28EEeyLek&feature=related

Lunch Lady Land

I finally am sliced and diced for everything, ready to get my chemo schedule next Friday! This week was rough... I was in the hospital 3 times. I think I am over the I.V. pricks and even the blood being drawn, ok so maybe we won't go that far... but I just keep hearing my Grandpop Schmitty (with his stylin' Velcro sneaks) saying toughen up girl, and I turn my big swollen head and take it. Let's discuss the port placement... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR5XATvLWvw&feature=g-hist This was a trip, hence the no-drug/awareness SNL skit link I have posted. Now this is a surgery... one where they will be placing a small device into my chest, then placing a catheter up and around my right jugular (yes I said JUGULAR!) I am informed in pre-surgery that i will be put under... they call it twilight, explaining I may hear voices but I won't be coherent. This is fine I say because I usually go out easily, and I doubt I will be even remotely awake. So my appointment is for 7 AM, early I know, but I figure mind as well just get it over with. My first biggest obstacle is getting that I.V. in, thanks Schmitty (wink), by 7:25 its in. Erin is my nurse anesthesiologist, a natural beauty which of course I would notice, she reminded me of my friend Hannah. Like Hi you wake up in the morning looking like that, I can always appreciate a beautiful women. Moving on from the lesbo stuff she is super sweet and begins to inform me that I will not, I repeat NOT be put under!I quickly begin to panic..... and by panic I mean cry. I said what happened to twilight????? My mind is racing and my thoughts disheveled... was someone referring to Robert Patterson and Kristen Stewart or are we talking about my surgery? Erin says calmly that as long as my vitals are steady she will keep pumping me with this "twilight", but i will be awake and hear whats going on, feel "pressure". Wooo Wooo Wooo unless Taylor Lautner himself is coming out shirtless to push something in that I.V. i know what "pressure" means.. code for pain. When I had my son I had a C-section and they said "pressure" I felt pain. The tears are now just streaming and Erin is trying to calm me down. "You have to do what you have to do," I say, "just get it over with." She gives me something to calm me down first and I wait, "shut your eyes and relax." RELAX??????? I can see her pumping different tubes of things into my I.V. as they put up a sheet on my right side so I can't see. I'm left to simply look at Erin,who is sincerely telling me it will be ok, pumping yet another tube into my I.V. The surgeon tells me he is going to give me a series of needles in the right side of my neck and chest to numb the area, ouch! I wince at Erin who strokes the tears of my cheeks. I succumb to the natural habit of Heather Maloney and I tell Erin I'm gonna just have to talk to you.It's what I do when I'm nervous. Chat your ear off if I am forced to be awake for this, did you say the medicine would make me chatty? OOOOOOOhhhhhh Erin you have met your match! It's actually a sin for her, she had no idea what she was in for. The surgery last about 35 mins, As she kept pumping me with her "twilight vampire drugs" my mouth was off like a racehorse. I honestly don't even know the Variety of stories I told, I do however remember talking about my Aunt Cindy. Who has been a lunch lady for several years and has perfected her job! I hear at her school they call her "Sandwich Cindy because she has the perfect meat to bread ratio!" That is truly a talent, I tell Erin. "And not to relate in any way my Aunt to Chris Farley but I know I am drugged up now when I start singing this ...  http://www.songspeak.com/sloppy-joe-slop-sloppy-joe/.  Yes .... Yes I did.SMH.(Grandmom Pat that means Shaking My Head) (the audio in the beginning is bad but it gets better, it's the only original I could find) The surgeon even gave a chuckle... he was surprised I knew it word for word... I said."me too!" Then we were done!Erin says," I gave you everything but the kitchen sink,and I believe you sang the Sloppy Joe song, that was a first for us especially at 7:30 AM." I like to keep it original what can I say." To add one last detail to my tale I hear the Surgeon say in a far off distance,"I can't find my wedding band...." Now I had heard a story of a women whose port got infected because they only took 9 out of 10 gauze out, not where I had got mine done, but my eyes quickly dart in panic thinking this man's wedding band is dangling from the port in my chest! Before I can hyperventilate they find it. He said he doesn't wear it during surgery any way, but I could rest assured that all day they would all be singing about Sloppy Joe thanks to me.

America Runs On Dunkin..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nb4m6H90OzM

Yes that's me... Big Head. It's all the steroids... I am just a a swollen mess. I have always loved this song.. love that she represents Philly, and love that she wrote a song, not even knowing, about me coming off steroids! One thing I can not wait to do is put on my heels and go dancing. We all know I have the sweetest white girl moves.. but I'm not proud. I fully own my generic "Heather Moves". They aren't the best but they do the trick. It's not even about the drinking or the bar scene, I just want to dance! Coming down off the steroids has it's ups and downs. On one hand I can actually sleep at night, well that is giving me a 3 hour stretch which I will take. On the other hand my face and neck have never been more swollen! Sometimes I have to schedule feedings for just my solid double chin. I am continuing to have the "steroid acne" which is little white bumps that adorn and accentuate my double chin the most. I am looking forward to not having a "big head" any more... I will however love this song forever! The worst part is my joint pain, I could compare it to the "hobbling" scene in Misery with Kathy Bates. Yes that bad, but I realized I have to force myself to walk. Yesterday morning I woke up at 4 in extreme pain. I came downstairs and put my feet under the scalding hot water until the heat made no difference. The sheer pain of it made me put on my sneakers and I walked to Dunkin Donuts. It would normally take me a mere 5 mins, 25 mins later of biting tears away I had my brother pick me up. I def could not do the walk home. But I felt great the rest of the day! I had to force myself to find strength through the pain. Because honestly " America runs on Dunkin right?"

Hot Towel?

My Ankles have never felt like this! I have been up off and on since 4 AM because the cramping is so bad I can't sleep. After researching online I saw this is a common reaction after radiation treatment. It's like I'm a 90 year old lady trying to get up and down. P.s. I have what's called "steroid acne" all over my round full face and chest and arms....sweet look. To add to the 10 pounds I've gained I'm almost at super model status! On that note I'm going to get a peanut buster bar out of the fridge, I accepted my fate 3 days ago and just bought the 10 pack box for home. Any way the only way to help my feet is heat, thank goodness its only 110 degrees outside, I wouldn't want to break a sweat while trying to ease the pain! So what I've been doing all night is sitting in the bathroom with my feet under the steaming water, until I can't stand it. I sweat but it's relief, then I pull the old "Uncle Buck/ Nail Salon" hot wet towel in the microwave. I wrap it around my legs and wait for the pain to subside. I'm going at some point today to get heated slippers or something better then the hot towel in the microwave. I have made countless people watch this video, so if your a first timer it's a bonus! I needed the laugh with the pain because this is funny every time.... ENJOY!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsWrY77o77o

My Kind of Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_siYfZDh5w&feature=BFa&list=ULZx5nN5jrafA

I seriously looked up the lyrics for this first and fell in love with simply the lyrics... then 20 minutes after repeat I decided to watch the video. WOW!  I am in love with this girl! Her song Next to Me is the first time I found her, in recent events its exactly how I feel my boyfriend has been. This song though... this video... it gives me chills.I think I've watched it for the past hour on repeat. How blessed am I that I still have friends like this, people whose heart truly beats for me. My mom told since I was 2 that I was "people oriented", I absolutely love people, the good, the bad, the crazies because at the end of the day it's always a great story! Personality amazes me, I do however have issues with quiet people, but most of my friends will say I will always find the good in someone. Some might even say if Heather doesn't like them then no one will. I'm the friend you bring to introduce to your new boyfriend, Or the new girl at work that your trying to connect with the old friends.  I'm always the one that's like, "Come on give her a chance.." I tend to get burned a lot on that note... Proved wrong by the true flaws that lie in people. But honestly who isn't flawed? Isn't that what true love is? Not just romantically but with friends as well, to truly love someone is to except their flaws."A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same"- Elbert Hubbard  I've had many different friends along the years, and am proud to say that I have kept and cherished those who do not judge, who live their lives loving me for being late all the time, not calling back, and mostly realizing that in times of need I'm there. Our lives are our own, and their is a difference between friendly constructive criticism, and just plain judgmental opinions."A friend should be one in whose understanding and virtue we can equally confide, and whose opinion we can value at once for justness and sincerity," - Robert Hall. Each person lives their own life, the sooner we can learn to accept and support that the stronger our friendships can grow. I don't need to talk to my best friends everyday,,, because when I see them it's like I saw them yesterday. So please enjoy this video.... celebrate your friends today and the people that have blessed you with their presence and let me end on this quote from Thomas Jefferson. "But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to the benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine!"

Despicable Me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSoQRi89qxc

My son has made me watch this movie at least 1,000,000,000,000 times, not like I mind it's actually one of my favorites! However this song is exactly how I've been feeling all week. I'm having a bad bad day.... if you take it personal then that's OK. All of my treatment is on hold because every doctor I have is on vacation! They have chosen to ween me off the steroids which means I am feeling this weird limbo of my tumor around my spine and I am constantly worried that I may loose feeling in my hands permanently, that could just be the med's, and my anxiety. I haven't been in the mood to blog, sorry to my fans, but then I realized I should be blogging the bad too. Everyone can't expect me to be happy all the time. At breakfast with an old cherished friend, she said I'm sure you have your dark hours.... well it has been a dark week. I finished the radiation last Wednesday, it hadn't hurt the whole time I got the treatment. I was not prepared for the after effects. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy worse then expected. For a solid 3 days it hurt to even get luke warm water down, the pills I have to take were like shoving a watermelon through a pin hole, I had to have a "spit cup" for my over salivating (felt like a red neck cowboy hick... ladies don't spit) and the worst part of it all.... I Heather Maloney... had no voice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you imagine this? I still have NO VOICE!!!!!!!! For someone who normally has diarreah of the mouth, being constipated and a mute is simply depressing. I do not understand how quiet people live! How do you not express yourself? How do you keep your thoughts all bottled up? My mother is going the most crazy with it. She said ."Heather you not talking is just UNNATURAL!" It makes her so uncomfortable... which makes me uncomfortable lol. Not in a weird way just the fact that it is just so mind blowing... my forced silence. People continue to call or talk to me, and then I get frustrated when they say what or I can't hear you. The frustration is endless and its no ones fault. P.s. my double chin is bigger and fuller then my first chin... like the scientist in Despicable Me, no lie. That is dead what I look like, including the Quasimodo hunchback from Notre Dame. (All from the reduction of the steroids causing swelling) God Bless John Paul's soul for loving me still, he has been so patient and perfect I couldn't ask for more. I don't even know if I could have the self control he does, if the roles were reversed. It effects him just as much, it's hard yet he has embarked on this crazy Cancer trip with what seems such ease, and tender care. I can't describe my love for this man. <3 So I'm just waiting for now.... waiting for everyone to get back from vacation, waiting for the port, ad the chemo schedule, waiting for the effects of the radiation to subside. Waiting .. and while I do I'm going to share my misery with this clip that has made me smile.(Please excuse the language} Because if my Granny were here she would put on one of these 100 movies in this clip and say ....FORGET ABOUT IT!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSEYXWmEse8&feature=related