Despicable Me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSoQRi89qxc

My son has made me watch this movie at least 1,000,000,000,000 times, not like I mind it's actually one of my favorites! However this song is exactly how I've been feeling all week. I'm having a bad bad day.... if you take it personal then that's OK. All of my treatment is on hold because every doctor I have is on vacation! They have chosen to ween me off the steroids which means I am feeling this weird limbo of my tumor around my spine and I am constantly worried that I may loose feeling in my hands permanently, that could just be the med's, and my anxiety. I haven't been in the mood to blog, sorry to my fans, but then I realized I should be blogging the bad too. Everyone can't expect me to be happy all the time. At breakfast with an old cherished friend, she said I'm sure you have your dark hours.... well it has been a dark week. I finished the radiation last Wednesday, it hadn't hurt the whole time I got the treatment. I was not prepared for the after effects. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy worse then expected. For a solid 3 days it hurt to even get luke warm water down, the pills I have to take were like shoving a watermelon through a pin hole, I had to have a "spit cup" for my over salivating (felt like a red neck cowboy hick... ladies don't spit) and the worst part of it all.... I Heather Maloney... had no voice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you imagine this? I still have NO VOICE!!!!!!!! For someone who normally has diarreah of the mouth, being constipated and a mute is simply depressing. I do not understand how quiet people live! How do you not express yourself? How do you keep your thoughts all bottled up? My mother is going the most crazy with it. She said ."Heather you not talking is just UNNATURAL!" It makes her so uncomfortable... which makes me uncomfortable lol. Not in a weird way just the fact that it is just so mind blowing... my forced silence. People continue to call or talk to me, and then I get frustrated when they say what or I can't hear you. The frustration is endless and its no ones fault. P.s. my double chin is bigger and fuller then my first chin... like the scientist in Despicable Me, no lie. That is dead what I look like, including the Quasimodo hunchback from Notre Dame. (All from the reduction of the steroids causing swelling) God Bless John Paul's soul for loving me still, he has been so patient and perfect I couldn't ask for more. I don't even know if I could have the self control he does, if the roles were reversed. It effects him just as much, it's hard yet he has embarked on this crazy Cancer trip with what seems such ease, and tender care. I can't describe my love for this man. <3 So I'm just waiting for now.... waiting for everyone to get back from vacation, waiting for the port, ad the chemo schedule, waiting for the effects of the radiation to subside. Waiting .. and while I do I'm going to share my misery with this clip that has made me smile.(Please excuse the language} Because if my Granny were here she would put on one of these 100 movies in this clip and say ....FORGET ABOUT IT!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSEYXWmEse8&feature=related